Imaginary
by unversed-unbirth
Summary: If no one remembered her and the things she had done, it would be too soon.
1. Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall

_**Chapter Summary (Xion's POV): She's one person for Roxas, Axel, and the others, but she's completely different when she's alone or near the higher-ups. As her friendship with Roxas and Axel blossoms, she is troubled by the thought of which of the personas they really like. Her, or who she is on the outside for them. Inspired by "Breathe No More" on the "Anywhere But Home" DVD by Evanescence. **_

_**UPDATE (5.9.2011): I made some art to describe this fic. I put together part of Sora, part of Xion, and the mirror. Sorry if it's not that good. LINK: .com/#/d3evxet**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p>I face the mirror as I did this morning, and watch the true me staring at me. She has his face, the face of the boy from my dreams. I know the difference between me and my reflection, I am the one on the outside, she is the one on the inside. She is trapped; kept inside by being who the others want her to be, not how she truly is. My appearance is in the eye of the beholder Saїx told me. We would be the same person, were it not for our appearances. Even so, I wonder which of us it is that Roxas and Axel know and love. My fingers reach out to touch the reflection, just to see if it's real. The moment my fingers rest on the glass it shatters into tiny pieces—too small to matter, but big enough to cut me. My glove has a tear, although there's pain, only white light comes out and little crystals spill onto the floor. I back away from the mirror, and my reflection looks back at me from the shards, dejected at my abandonment. I flee my room, running down the halls of the Castle.<p>

_I am me, aren't I? _

It seemed such a silly question. I am not me, I am Xion. I left myself in my reflection and there is no turning back. I'll never be me, and I'll never know if Roxas and Axel would accept me. I don't notice that I'm running back towards my room, or that the crystals are floating back into the tear in my glove. I catch myself and turn to run down the hallway for the lower-rank members. None of them understand, so why am I here? I stop in front of the very last door, with the number 13 in big white Roman numerals on it. It opens to reveal Roxas, looking sleepy but concerned.

_This is it. He won't know what I mean, and he and I will probably drift apart… but I have to know. _

I still bleed, and as the crystals fall one by one, he watches them. He picks one up and freezes. I do the same, and I see the boy with another boy and a girl sitting on the edge of a dock. They aren't laughing, but they are talking. Sadness is clear in the boy's eyes as the girl talks. He isn't happy but he refuses to show it.

_Like we would be if I didn't exist. If she were me they wouldn't be happy, so I must stay me. _

"I'm sorry, but I have to go. It's… um, turtles!" I say suddenly, thinking of what I saw swimming in a pond on one world. While he's pondering what that means, I flee again. I'll never know, will I? He could be friends with the both of us, couldn't he? Maybe neither, maybe he only wants to be friends with Axel. Maybe the memories of he and I are destined to drift far away from us, like we will from each other.

I only bleed more.

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><p><em><strong>So how was Chapter One? It went through a lot of editing, and my ears went through an hour of listening to Breathe No More to keep the story in line. BTW: This is not a songfic, it's just KH characters and a song that reminded me of their short-lives.<strong>_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, Axel, Roxas, and Xion would all be alive and Vanitas would NOT lose to Ven (that was just sad).**_


	2. The Promise

_**Chapter Summary: Xion remembers bits and pieces of what happened before and during her death, and she remembers the boy who held her hand the whole time. She made a promise, and she wants to keep that promise, by finding him. Inspired by "Together Again" by Evanescence. **_

_**Seems a lot of these are by Evanescence, how about some requests? And reviews!**_

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><p>I may be dying, but I'm not dead… yet. Roxas is holding me, but I can't feel anything. My hand slips off of his cheek, and my eyes close, showing my acceptance of my fate. Xemnas won't have his way, and he most certainly won't have his own Keyblade wielders to toy with. I'm not so sure about Axel, but Roxas and I will always be together. Still, I feel so alone as the last of the memories—the last of me slips away.<p>

_Replicas can't survive without memories taken from, in No. I's case, Sora. _

"Xion…" Someday Roxas, someday you won't say my name, you won't break my heart with your mourning. So here, only remembering my death and the person who held my hand the entire time, I wait. Sometimes, it seems that moment was a dream and I was always here from the start. I don't seem to be the only one troubled by my last memory. I see people in black cloaks like mine everywhere. Some are like me; silent and never—

"Whoa!" I trip over something, and fall right on top of another person in a black cloak. I see pale skin and one glowing yellow eye glaring at me. I've never talked to the people in the black cloaks. I was always deep into my thoughts, and I downright ignored anything that went on in this place. All I know is that unrequited love, shattered dreams, and darkness all collide to form a place where the "broken" ones would stay waiting for a "Sora" to come and rescue them. The name sounds familiar but I can't quite put my finger on it. I stand up and move away from the stranger, timidly watching them get up and dust off the back of their cloak. I quickly look at the ground, feeling their eyes on me.

_I should be alone, I should suffer, like he is alone and suffering._

"Why are you here?"

Why am I here? I should be trying to find Roxas, I'm sure he's trying to find me. I look up, and back towards the dark beach. I unzip my cloak and drop it on the sand. Shivering, I walk into the water until it's at my waist. Before I disappear under the surface, there's one last thing I say,

"Don't worry Roxas, we'll be together again. I promise."

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><p><em><strong>I know it's short but give me a break, I have a lot of stories to work on. I hope you liked the not-so-happy, not-so-sad ending, if not, oh well. <strong>_

_**Review, Fave, and Alert!**_


	3. Neverending Cycle

_**Chapter Summary: Xion used to love her life, but when her sugarcoated world collapses on itself, and she finds out who she really is, it all goes downhill. She just can't take it anymore. Inspired by Going Under.**_

I've done so much for them, too much. I feel as if there's no point in continuing my feeble attempts to hold onto happiness. I try to walk away from Roxas, but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back. It's a tug-of-war between us, and eventually I am left with no other choice except a threat of violence. I didn't count on Axel being there as well, to send me here into a state of limbo.

I turn to see Roxas on the clock tower with me, sweating but smiling. We eat our ice cream, and tell jokes back and forth like we used to. The peace is bliss to me from the chaos I'd been suffering. Roxas nudges me and points to the sunset. I see someone falling. They look familiar…

Now I'm falling. Roxas reaches out to me, but my eyes close and I hit the ground. My eyes open again and I can't breathe or think. I continue to fall, reaching towards the last of the light that was slowly fading along with my best friend's face. He's gone.

Green numbers along with white squares circle above, and when I look closer, I see that the numbers are parts of people and their home worlds. The squares are their memories drifting towards me in their tight circle. It tightens around me as I reach what feels like solid ground. The numbers form a tall column of green that eventually form into him. Sora.

He approaches me with caution—but the closer he gets, the more intense my headache gets. I see him on the ground in front of me, clutching his head in pain. His breathes are short and quick, like he's struggling. The white squares and numbers collide, and we both double over in pain.

You were never meant to exist. 

You are nothing but data and numbers. 

You will never be your own, only an imperfect replica. 

_You will never be anything more. _

My eyes snap open. What we are standing on shatters and he falls one way, and I fall the other. I think I am falling down, but there is light where I'm going, and darkness where Sora's falling. Axel is charging, and Roxas is trying to stop him. I fight as hard as I can, and while fire tries to snuff the light, I realize something.

_It's a neverending cycle. _


	4. Take My Breath Away

_**Chapter Summary: A continuation on Chapter One, Xion is tired of being in the Organization and not knowing if Axel and Roxas are really her friends. She wants to think yes, but inside she knows that it's not true. Takes place during that time when Xion disappeared to… moving on. **_

_**Friends [in this story and to me] = People who accept who you are and love you for it. **_

_**Xion's friends = People who have no idea who she really is other than who they want her to be. BTW: Inspired by Breathe No More AND My Immortal (Band Version)**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p>I set the mirror shards on the table in front of the old man, working all alone in this mirror shop. My hood conceals my face, but I can still see my reflection who disapproved of what I was doing. I ignore her and bite my lip nervously.<p>

"Grandpa, what are you doing?" a brunette girl of about fourteen asks from the door, warily eyeing me. I scoop the mirror shards, but her grandfather stops me. I press my hands together to stop my odd and inhuman bleeding. My reflection is smiling beneath the hood of her cloak, mocking me, daring me to break her to prevent them from seeing who I am.

_And what I always will be. _

"Olette, why are you yelling? I have a customer." her grandfather replies, gesturing to me. Another person walks in, and his voice has a bored tone to it.

"It's probably Fuu in disguise, she's trying to spy on us!" Olette insists.

"It's not Fuu, the old man would recognize him don't you think?" That makes three people in this store besides me. I scoop up the shards and tuck them in a pocket inside my coat, backpedaling towards the wall where nobody was standing.

_Emptiness, the last sign of a lost cause. _

After Roxas and Axel, I couldn't stand to be around too many people. When they say the more, the merrier, I say the more, the scarier. The shards in my pocket are jabbing me through the fairly thin material of the pocket I had attached inside my coat. They hurt so badly and the bleeding… never… "Stop!"

"Huh? See, I told you it's not Fuu." My hands cover my mouth, and the odd blood stains my face. My skin was cold and sticky with the clear liquid and crystals.

_Not happening to me, I'm not me, I left me… _

My relfection in the crystals smirks at me and mouths to me, "I told you so." Yes, she told me so yet I didn't listen. At least now I know the truth, and we know who you are and who I am. A crooked smile forms on her lips. We agree. I am a monster, I—

_I was never meant to exist. _

My life is a lie, and I devoted it to Roxas and Axel. However, I got nothing in return. I wiped away all the tears when he cried in his sleep. I fought all his fears with hope and the simple reassurance that everything would be okay as long as Axel and I were there. All of the wonderful days have turned into years, some painful, some regretted.

_They're better off without me. _

I ask him to fix it quickly, tucking my arms inside my sleeves. He pieces the mirror together as a hand mirror—not all the shards could be salvaged. I thank him and run away, not bothering to show my face or pay for the mirror. My reflection laughs shouting "Coward! You could never do it! Riku was right, your Keyblade is a sham and so are you!" I cry out when I slip and fall in the woods. The mirror is safe, to my dismay. I lay in the grass for a while, letting my hands relax. I take my soaked gloves off and let my hands drip over the ground. So much,

So much,

_So much, _

_So much, _

_**Too much. **_

I can't breathe, and my face turns red with the effort. My reflection is quiet, no longer mocking me. It's a comfortable silence, and it makes my hands slip from my chest to the grass as my head hits the softness soon after. I see the sky above and turn green with envy. So free…

_When I'm so trapped._

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><p><em><strong>Chapter Four is done, and in only two days! Worked on most of it in school, so I just lost a few pages in my Music notebook (hate that class, no KH or BioShock music). I have some review replies, which I haven't done before but I decided to do now.<strong>_

_**Shadow of Malice: Yeah, I'll update soon. Chapter four and five are almost done for Worlds Beyond Our Own, and I'm still taking song requests for this fic. **_

_**That was the only review so I still have to say, **_

_**REVIEW! FAVE! ALERT!**_


	5. Choices

_**Chapter Summary: This one is another continuation of Chapter One, last one though. This is just before the cutscene "Tears" and right after "Unsaid, Unheard". It was inspired by Everybody's Fool, except I listened to Xion's Theme and The 13**__**th**__** Struggle through most of it. I hope that this is satisfying and a little less confusing for some of you. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p>My reflection hasn't said a word, or even moved. I managed to talk Naminé into stitching up the wound from which all the bleeding had started. She made it very clear that this wouldn't last very long, as my time was running out. I slip both gloves on, and turn to face the hand mirror lying idly on the bed next to an envelope with a message to Axel and Roxas both. I figured that Axel would find it first, considering Roxas isn't here even though I've searched the castle for the Key of Destiny.<p>

_Destiny, is something that can't be changed._

So, it can't be changed that Roxas must absorb me. I smile sadly. The tables have turned since I was… created. Something cool and moist slides down my cheek, and my reflection lets me know I'm merely crying. My existence was never meant to be, no matter how many times Roxas tried to convince me otherwise. Chocolate-colored locks of hair frame my face, no, his face. The Xion that I wish would be me is now the one trapped inside the mirror. I pick it up, and run my fingers over the glass. I whisper a goodbye, no longer trusting my voice. Soon enough the mirror is flung across the room towards the wall. It explodes from the force of the impact, and also alerts the other members of Organization XIII. I open a Corridor of Darkness and leave the room. Xion isn't real, Xion can't help me, and she never did and never will exist. She had no flaws, she was a simple figment of the imagination. The only thing that was ever real, was Replica Number One. The Sora Replica. A puppet made from the leaked memories of Roxas, Sora, and those connected to them.

_I've become so entangled in my own web of lies. _

I remember Replica Number Two from the few visits I made to Castle Oblivion, where Sora rests after his memories were "played with" as Naminé had put it. The Riku Replica, was nowhere to be found after Roxas started talking to me. He was like me, in a way, but he was angry as opposed to my sorrow. He had no name, which put him in a worse position as well. I called him Repliku, hoping to make him feel just a little better about what he was. What _we_ were and what I am. The darkness falls back into the sunlight of the perpetual twilight. At one time in my short life, this place excited me. It made me feel alive and real. Now, it fills me with a sense of dread. My steps echo as I walk along the ledge opposite of where Roxas sits.

_Choices, good or bad, decide the future of not just you—but others as well. _

I took out the paper with my latest Secret Report. It has a photo of Roxas, Axel, and I sitting on the ledge of the Clock Tower eating the ice cream I've come to love so much. Just us three eating ice cream is such a treasured memory; it makes me wonder if I really want to leave it all behind. Perhaps, I don't have to do this. Not yet anyway. I just want to hold onto this moment, my last time with the pieces of what used to be a cherished nonexistence. I wipe away the tears, and stand up. This is it, this is _my _sacrifice. No one may know about it, or remember it in Roxas' case. I struggle to go through with this, but it is too late to turn back now. I've made my choice, and there's no going back.

_Words aren't the only things you can never take back. _

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><p><em><strong>I read it again, and well, I guess it can't help but be confusing. That's just the way KH is, I guess. But I can try to explain it.<strong>_

_**(1) Xion is created.  
>(2) Axel leaves for Castle Oblivion.<br>(3) Roxas and Xion become friends.  
>(4) Xion enjoys the company of her new friend and pretends to be someone she's not.<br>(5) Axel comes back and gets jealous.  
>(6) Xion becomes troubled with reality.<br>(7) Xion runs away.  
>(8) Her sorrow keeps growing.<br>(9) She tells Roxas the truth and dies.  
>(10) She is forgotten by everyone, only recorded as a failed experiment in the Replica project. <strong>_


	6. Escaping Harsh Reality

_**Chapter Summary: The sixth installment of bleeding, almost there to ten! That, is when the votes begin. Should I continue, or let the confusion end at ten? **_

_**Xion knows what exists beyond the four white walls of her comfort. She knows the living nightmare that is her false existence, and there is only one place where it can't reach her. Inspired by Imaginary. (Note: this is the last Evanescence song before Tourniquet and Sweet Sacrifice. After that will be My Chemical Romance, MCR from now on. Hope you like "Famous Last Words"!) **_

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><p>Little flowers.<p>

They decorate the walls, flowers made of Thalassa Shells. I would have made them star-shaped, were it not for the memories that arose from a simple glance. I place my hands behind my head, sighing. It's not a stressed sigh, it's one of relief and contentment. This was a good day, one that would not go to looking deeper into my own existence. The voices outside my door have stopped, my nightly lullaby ceases to be. I sit up, and the fear of a silent night makes itself known. Silent nights were the ones were my pain attacked me, stabbing and twisting the knife that didn't exist. The moon swallows me up into an unloving state of mind.

White skies, and white clouds.

The white of the ceiling stretches on and on like the sky, but it stops at the wall where more flowers try to hide the door. It's not that I don't know what is beyond that door—I do—I just don't like it nor do I wish to face it. I long for deep sleep and sweet dreaming, in my pretend life within these four white walls. A pile of incomplete missions was growing, but I didn't care so long as I was in my field of little shell flowers with my white sky flying overhead. The rampant chaos was Roxas' reality, but he didn't dare to intrude. I'm fading inside myself, the white clouds above swirling like my vision. I want to say I'm falling asleep, but we all know that is not true.

I disappear inside myself.

This is me. Anxiety, sorrow, questions of who, what, and why, are the main ingredients to me. I don't like to know that I'm anxious. I don't like to know I'm sad. I hate having to be curious and ask who I am, no, what I am, and why I am that way. The walls seem to close in on me then, and for the umpteenth time I scream at the top of my lungs. Saїx and Axel appear at the door banging on it, demanding me to open it. I face the window and try to calm down. It doesn't work.

Hours and hours.

Is the time I spent falling through this darkness. I land softly on a mural, seeing myself painted on the stained glass surface. I take a step forward to have the circles open up to reveal the face of him, Roxas, and Axel. I see my thoughts swirling as doves around me. The birds are silent, but the thoughts are clear to me. My anxiety is worsening, I'm becoming depressed, and because of that I'm stressed to become happy again and questioning if I'm capable of doing that after discovering who I am, what I am.

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><p><strong><em>More confusing things, I know. Quick question to answer in reviews!<em>**

**_If Bleeding became a book, with changes of course, would you read it? _**

**_REVIEW! FAVE! ALERT!_**


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